Zoey’s Coat now sits on a shelf in the milking Parlor. Over the past few years she wore it to help her get through Montana’s winter and the cold nights of spring.
On Friday, May 3 around 6 p.m. I made the decision, along with my veterinarian, Dr. Rollet Pryun, to end Zoey’s life.
Zoey, turned 10 this past February 28 and like the “wizard’s wand” in the Harry Potter novels, choose my son, Michael and me and soon became a driving force at home.
From finding her hanging by her rear leg from the tarp roof of her shelter, to somehow ending up on the garage roof, to one day showing up in the kitchen after figuring out how to bounce the screen door open, turn a door knob and push the door open she, like a Zen master, demanded presence.
Zoey was the inspiration for me to utter, “a well behaved goat is a sick goat,” and Zoey lived up to that statement to the end.
Zoey almost died three times from parasitic infestations. I, at one time, nursed her back to health with handfuls of lentils, bread from Le Petit Outre, protein bars, fresh cut grass and energy drinks. At that time my feeling of success or failure was linked to Zoey living or dying.
One of Zoey’s greatest gift to me was: one evening her temperature was 106.5 and she could not stand. All the magic drugs from modern veterinary medicine were not helping. That evening, before heading into the house, I laid in the straw, nose to nose, and apologized that I could not help her. After a deep wave of sadness of my impending loss I thanked her for our time together, told her that I loved her. Instead of dwelling on my loss I focused on our shared experiences.
The following morning, I went out expecting her to be dead. She was standing. Her fever had broken.
The hardest part of having a farm, especially one with dairy animals, is the responsibility that comes with caring for the animals, and at times having to make tough decisions about who lives and who dies.
An intimate relationship is developed feeding, milking, trimming feet; not to mention raising up young goats. These animals become part of my family. Their survival depends on me, and mine on them. I have found peace in a herd of dairy goats and the cadence of their care.
It is difficult, very difficult for me to accept the grief and sadness of the loss of any animal at the farm, but I try to accept it as I accept the joy and peace that I receive as a member of the herd.
Zoey lives on not only in her kids, Jubilee, Empathy, Intuition, and Koan and their kids, but in the stories that I will share about her.
In a few weeks I will fold Zoey’s coat and put it in a safe place as my eyes tear-up and I struggle not to cry.
Tune in at 7 a.m. Saturday May 25 to hera more about Zoey during Children’s Corner.
