For our 50th Anniversary Short Fiction Contest, we asked you to send a 700-word, or less, story in which Montana Public Radio is mentioned in some way. We'll be accepting entries until March 15, 2015. Winners will be announced in April. This story is by Geoffrey Taylor.
Morning. Window. Indoors. Warm. Yawn. Stretch. Ruck up.
Decide. Downstairs ...? The Old Tail concurs. Hallway.
Descend steps. Landing. Wait. Odd new scent -- 3.86
meters ahead: Kitchen. Anomalous loud wailing sounds.
Corner halt. Recon. Survey; head only. Disbelief!
Two big monkeys. Prone, supine. Battle? Holy Bast.
Osculating. Yelps. Moans. Conjugating. Table. Customary bed
upstairs; assess abnormal behavior shift. Unknown cause.
Garments shed. Long ooks: Affirm, affirm, deity, deity.
Thrashing. Simian pheremone stench pervades. Observe.
Watch. Study. Muse. Rhythmic now. 4/4 time. They --
Spotted. Prepare to bug out of area of operation. Already
The Old Tail all ready. To didi mau.
"Oooka You ookinhah?" Large ape ooking query noises
Selfward. Threat level: 0.1; action precluded by half-mast
pants. Postpone further study. Feign sangfroid. Display
disdain. Monkey business. Ignore. Forget. See? Depart
area of operation.
Door ajar. Open with paw. Second anomaly. Always closed.
Further review someday. Outside. Down steps. Number One.
Hunt. Scan. Zilch. Dug in. So waste practice prey. Eat
grass. Feel good. Do Frug, hukka; uneat grass. Feel
better. Roam. Explore. Enjoy.
Sky. Hedges. Breeze. Wind from 2 degrees south-southeast.
Smell other Cat; .472 clicks thataway. Trees bare. No
leaves. No birds. No point. Empty. Debate climb. Work
hooks good instead. Proceed to Chosen Spot. Honor it.
Run paw in perfunctory semicircular pattern. Gift covered.
Unass AO.
Sit by big Cee-ment Pond. Listen to Montana Public Radio
from next door. Ponder. Think. Cogitate. Review.
Recapitulate. The Old Tail suggests possible theory.
Meditate on same. The Old Tail correct about Fermat's
Theorem. Often right. Didn't have previously. Could have
used up Song Bo, 8 May 1968. Affirm. Don't mean nothing.
Enter house. Door still operational. Thumping sound
upstairs. Memo: Avoid. Scan. Sweep. Null. Trickytrot into
kitchen. Wreckage. Sticky coffee underfoot. Copulation
debris. Step around.
Approach transparent door. Regard. Sometimes open. Sealed.
Secondary egress nonfunctional. Tree visible. Still
empty. Summer eons off. One roof. Two monkeys: Seasonal
Feline Affective Disorder.
Sounds above subside. Wait. 9.52 minutes: Big two-legger
descends staircase on point. Strong whiff. Small big
monkey follows. Stronger odor. Her: "Oook, oo-ooook, ."
Him: "Ook-ook-ka-ook The Cat ook, ooker ook grunt."
Eruption of loud shrieking from both. Ancestors heard it.
Hated it then. Libidinous snorts. Racket relents.
Listen from concealment. Front door opens. More
osculating sound. Bathtubs draining; toilets plunging.
Exit Jody. Riddance. Door closes. Noisome mating stink
remains.
Follow primary feeder upstairs. Bed same-same kitchen
floor. Observe small big monkey. Strips bed. Gloms up
rags. Restores order.
Meow once at it. "OOOk, MAX? Oookll feed You oooks ...
soon ..."
Copy all. Lumpy Chicken. Descend stairs. Creep. Stalk.
Important decision looms: Where? Examine couch room. TV
dormant. Spot of Perfect Comfort relocates hourly. Find.
Same day, different jungle. Seek. Search. Sniff.
Locate. Leap. Hover mode. Drop. Cool LZ; plant shelf,
1.79 meters up. View room, all exits. Finest kind.
Close eyes. Meditation on God of Cats: 92.052 minutes.
Meditation on putative Even Higher Spirit: .06 seconds.
Weigh theory of hominid Supreme Being versus evidence.
Still ...? Wonder. Postpone wonder. Wonder about
postponement. Monkeys immense puzzle. Wonder why.
Sleep. Nine lives? Can recall many more. Myriad. As if
through glass, darkly ... But always Me. Numberless groovy
soft eons here. Equation. Psychedelic peace. Door opens.
Awake. Old monkey returns. Always at dusk. Distance from
The Old Nose: three meters. Give or take.
Scent of recent mating on suit. Under cologne. Tobacco.
Alcohol. Conclusion: Mirror infidelity. O hai Ceiling
Cat! Close eyes.
Monkeys exchange ooks. Touch muzzles. Happy happy monkeys.
Sated. Cat Heaven to watch. Antics endless.
Feed. Monkeys also. Table busy today. Mouse Helper au
jus: literal C-rats. Was hungry. Delicious.
Big monkey finds couch first. Join. TV inevitable jive.
"Oook, MAX. Kind of day did You have?"
Finest kind. Yours?
Eyes close. Lights out. Weemaway.
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Enter your story in the MTPR 50th Anniversary Short Fiction Contest.
